Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
