Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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