You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
