I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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