The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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