its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
