Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
