My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
