i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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