theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
