By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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