thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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