I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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