the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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