Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
