My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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