Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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