Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
