Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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