You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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