You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
