i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
