I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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