I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
