Tell her she can't have a vagina
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
This is classic penis vs brain.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
