The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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