Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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