Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
