Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
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I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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