FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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