Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
