wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
