it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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