oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
