halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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