yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
