I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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