I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
