shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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