everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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