Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
