Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
