there's paper in my vomit.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize