I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
