so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
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I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
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I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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