Your tits are I can't wait for
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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