I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
