I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He passed out mid-signature
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
