Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
