A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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