Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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