I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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