im gay
i know
yea but for you.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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