I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
