She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
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In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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