Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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