i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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