I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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