I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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