By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
