just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
