i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
