the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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