Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
