yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
