Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
