doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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